In politics, church, business, and community leadership, there is no shortage of examples of the abuse of position and power including self-serving decisions, sexual misconduct, and abusive treatment of others, just to name a few. In this blog, I am not referring to physical or sexual abuse of minors or any type of physical contact between adults that is unhealthy and unwanted. That is a different type of abuse, and I will leave that topic to people far more qualified than me. Here, I am talking about the more common abuse of power that can be present in organizations – the kind that may not be illegal but is still, at the least, very frustrating and disappointing and, at its worst, damaging to individuals, teams, and organizational culture. Below are the most common roles within every system of broken leadership and what you can do to change them.
The Abusers
The abusers are most often people who are owners, directors, or other senior-level roles. They all have some level of positional power that enables them to do exceptional good or devasting harm. In fact, some of the abusers I have met over the years are remarkable men and women with talents and resources that others often covet. There is also what feels like a limitless list of illustrations of abusers from colleges, churches, the media industry, the entertainment industry, businesses, and other organizations. Throughout the Bible, leaders are warned to avoid being oppressive or severe in how they treat those under their leadership, and they are instead told to lead with care.
Here are some of the common characteristics of abusive leaders.
Consistently make self-serving decisions
Act like rules do not apply to them
Use manipulation or shame to get what they want from others
Treat others in mean-spirited and bullying ways
Commonly use fear, threat, and retaliation against others
Like cancer, abusers cannot survive without a source of food. Enter the enabler (see the next category).
Remedy: If you are an abuser, it is likely you will do nothing about it. Why? Because you do not believe you are one, and you would likely dismiss anyone who told you otherwise. However, if you are one of the very few abusive leaders who have a few ounces of self-awareness and want to see how you are really leading, consider doing a 360-feedback assessment. It is the only way to see yourself a bit more accurately.
The Enablers
Enablers are people who empower abusers by some combination of affirming them, protecting them, and funding them. Enablers are at all levels of the organization including boards, senior managers, employees, and even spouses. I knew one abuser who was unhealthy in his approach to power and control and had a negative impact on many individuals and families. Yet, he also had raving fans (including some of the people who reported to him) who normalized and affirmed his behavior. Remember, the behaviors we allow or reward will result in us getting more of the same behaviors or… even worse.
Remedy: To check if you are an enabler, first identify if there are any abusers whom you are empowering, affirming, protecting, or funding. For example, are any of the leaders you work, supervise, or hang out with people who have acquired a lot of power and resources? Do they have a celebrity following? Are they often admired and looked up to? And do you hear chatter about them that questions their character? It is often helpful to just ask yourself – is there a leader in my life that I may be enabling in unhealthy ways?
The Benefactors
Benefactors are the people who benefit or get something from the abuser. It can come in the way of money or other perks, access to people or opportunities, or just the reward of being associated with him or her and the “honor” that comes with it. Benefactors can often be enablers as well since some of those who enable abusers do so because they are getting transactional benefits from them. I knew a nonprofit organization that had an abusive leader, but multiple people, including his supervisors, gave him passes on questionable behavior because he was so talented and his talents funded the vision so well. They became both enablers and benefactors.
Remedy: Benefactors are receiving benefits, so it can be extremely difficult for them to risk losing the transactional relationship with the abusive leader. There can be nothing inherently wrong in receiving benefits from others – except when those benefits result in you failing to hold someone accountable or compromising your own integrity. Your integrity is worth periodically asking yourself, “Is there any leader I am in a transactional relationship with? Am I turning a blind eye regarding any unhealthy behavior he or she is manifesting?
The Victims
While listed last, the victims are anything but that. These are the people who experience the brunt of the abuser’s toxic behavior. It is unfortunate that it is becoming far too common for people to use the claim of “victim” even with the slightest offense. This has both negative and unintended consequences since it can minimize the impact experienced by people who really have been victimized and deeply harmed by abusive leaders. Having your feelings hurt because your boss told you your work was inadequate and did it in a tone that wasn’t as sensitive as you would have preferred is quite different from having your boss bully you or speak to you in a way that is toxic, harmful, or threatening. It is also important to remember that some victims could have been enablers or benefactors before landing in the victim role.
Remedy: If you are feeling like a victim, first make sure you are. Remember, if hurt feelings are the primary qualifier, every person on this planet is a “victim.” Also, give consideration to the possibility that you may be causing harm to people who really are victims of serious cases of abusive leadership when you use that label too casually. However, if you are truly being victimized by an abusive leader in ways that are resulting in harm to your physical health, emotional health, or spiritual well-being, get advice from a trustworthy person regarding your options. And, if it is dangerously toxic – do whatever you can to make a change and get out.
To learn how to better manage the cycle of broken leadership, contact us.
Jay Desko is the President & CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
