In his book Atomic Habits, author James Clear says, “The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you do.” As we head into a new year, here are 12 habits worth starting, or continuing if you happen to already be doing them. Rather than approaching them with legalistic zeal, have fun! Take them for a test drive. Pick the ones most important to you and your own personal vision for the new year. Most importantly, do something to grow yourself and improve the lives of those with whom you serve.
1. Focus more on who you desire to be than on who you presently are.
It is not going to be a very good year if we start out reminding ourselves of all of our present shortcomings and failures, of which there are PLENTY. Instead, place your sight on the leader you want to be, not the leader you presently are.
2. Consider your own imperfections before zeroing in on those of others.
I know – it sounds like I am contradicting what I just said. But if you happen to be a leader who is an expert at finding imperfections in others, stopping and taking a deep look at yourself may help you break that habit. Remember the words from Jesus about looking at specks in others but ignoring your own logs?
3. Brag less about yourself and more about others.
When we as leaders self-promote, it often reflects some of our own fears and sense of inadequacy. This year, how about doing some bragging about the accomplishments of others? Turn the positive light away from yourself and in the direction of others who seldom get it but often deserve it.
4. Be slightly more courageous and slightly less cautious.
If you are driven more by fear than by courage, you are not unique. Fear is a powerful influence. But this year, reduce your caution by a few degrees, and invest it in taking courageous action. Consider making a decision you have been avoiding. Having that scary conversation with the team member you have been fearing. Changing that job you find draining.
5. Focus on your goals more than on the shortcomings of others.
It is easy to find yourself whining about what others are or are not doing. Once that becomes the focus of your attention, it leads nowhere constructive. Instead, give attention to what your goals are, what you are capable of doing, or what actions you will take. Focusing on your goals can energize you and add value to your organization. But focusing on the shortcomings of others is just an excuse for inaction.
6. Spend your time getting better rather than getting even.
Getting even after being hurt by others can feel like oxygen to your spirit. Except that oxygen is polluted, and it will eventually ruin you. Joseph (the guy from the Old Testament with a lot of brothers who tried to destroy him) had amazing self-control. He became a major player in the most powerful nation of his time, and he did so by focusing on doing what was right rather than getting even.
7. Build others up more than you tear others down.
For some leaders, encouragement comes naturally. For others, it requires intentional attention. If you are the latter, it’s ok. Even if it requires placing a reminder in your calendar to “think encouragement” and “speak encouragement,” do it. But make sure it is genuine and not fake. An encouraging word is like a cold drink while working outside on a hot day.
8. Ask more about others and talk less about yourself.
It can happen ever so slightly. You are talking with someone and end up focusing on your day, your family, your work projects and never even realize you left without hearing about the other person. To change that, you will need to plan ahead and start by asking a question about that person’s life. And then follow up with another one. Easy? Yes. Common? Not so much.
9. Think about how you are saying it, not just what you are saying.
There is a scene in Seinfeld where Uncle Leo accidentally burns off his eyebrows and uses a marker to draw new ones. But no matter what he does, he now always looks angry! Our tone, volume, facial expressions, and posture all play a role in the messages we send. This year, give extra attention to how you speak, not just the words you use.
10. Seek advice even when you are certain you know what is best.
I have found that some of the smartest and most successful people I have met are also the people who most often ask for advice from others. When we are insecure, we fear that asking for input makes us look weak. But it is really the opposite! One of my clients often expresses frustration when employees do not ask for help but is pleased when they do ask for it. This year, pursue guidance. Ask for the insights of others, and test your assumptions.
11. Show the grace to others that you want shown to you.
Every leader desires that their team will give them the benefit of the doubt, forgive their mistakes, and provide opportunity for a fresh start. But this is what others want and need from us as well. I saw this displayed recently when a client provided help to an employee that he would have been very justified in firing. That’s grace. And that is what we all need a bit more of in our teams, community, and country.
12. Focus more on building personal resilience and less on complaining about stress.
Yes, people are stressed. Yes, the pandemic has tested our tolerances. Yes, people are feeling like they are carrying an extra 30 pounds (figuratively and literally!). Yet, no matter what you do – quit your job, retire early, start your own business – stress will never fully go away. During WWI, a marine said this about the difficulty of his training: “The first day at camp, I was afraid that I was going to die. The next two weeks, my sole fear was that I wasn’t going to die. And after, I knew that I’d never die because I’d become so hard that nothing could kill me.” So, in this new year, we would be wise to focus on increasing our fortitude and learning to manage stress rather than only trying to eradicate it.
Contact us to learn how our experienced coaches can assist you in growing your leadership toolbox this year.
Jay Desko is the CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
