3 Dysfunctional Thoughts That Are Signs It Will Not End Well with Your Employer

Leaders and the organizations they serve can sometimes form unhealthy relationships. Similar to cancer, these unhealthy relationships often start out unnoticed and grow over time. By the time the problem is discovered, it can be hard to correct. Over the past 20 years, our team of consultants have seen three particularly persistent dysfunctional thoughts show up in a variety of contexts, including in nonprofits, churches, and businesses. Are any of these three present in your thinking? If so, to what degree?

“My organization owes me.”

Something happens to leaders over time – they can develop a belief that they are entitled to more... More freedom. More money. More benefits. Just a lot of “MORE.” After all, they have worked hard. They have added to growth. They may even be the founder. I have seen a lot of leaders who have made extraordinary contributions to the businesses or churches for whom they work. They sacrificed, and they added enormous value. And it is reasonable to expect the organizations to acknowledge these contributions. But once we step on the escalator of “they owe me,” the trip will only head in once direction – down. 

“My organization needs me.”

Similar to its cousin “my organization owes me,” when a leader has an unhealthy belief that his organization cannot survive without him, it feeds his natural propensity towards narcissism (the belief that we are extra-special and entitled). After all, how can they make it without my gifts, my talents, and my innovative thinking! I remember once sitting in a meeting when a leader told me that her organization could not make it without her. Interestingly, that organization had its biggest years of growth after her departure! While any good leader adds great value to his organization, we are fools if we think we are indispensable. Many organizations realize after the fact that they are bigger than any one or two individuals.

“I need this organization.”

Just like the 1970’s Neil Sedaka song, “Breakin’ Up Is Hard to Do,” some leaders develop an unhealthy dependency on the organization they work for and feel like they cannot live without it. Sometimes, it is the need for the income or health insurance. Other times, it is the meaning and purpose it provides to a leader’s life. Or it could be the fear of leaving the safety and security of what is known for what is not yet clear. Whatever the reason, when a leader becomes too dependent upon the organization, it will usually result in a resistance to retire or change. And when the change is no longer optional, it will often come with hard feelings.

The Bible consistently reminds us that none of us are pure in our motives or hold an accurate view of ourselves. We contend daily with pride, arrogance, insecurity, fear, and selfishness. And, we are a crafty bunch, capable of manipulation and finding people to tell us what we want to hear about ourselves. But if we want to lead effectively, model health, and finish well, we should consider a different approach. We need to find people who will speak truth, provide sound guidance, and help us resist our natural urges towards dysfunctional and damaging thoughts like those described above. Every good leader needs a trustworthy guide. Who is guiding you?

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Jay Desko is the CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.