Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. Smoking. Food. These are some of the more common themes that come to mind when we hear the word “addiction.” Merriam-Webster defines addiction as a “compulsive, chronic, physiological or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, behavior, or activity having harmful physical, psychological, or social effects…” But, what about other behaviors that some leaders manifest – ones that do not fit the traditional definition of addiction but match some of the characteristics including overuse, finding an emotional or psychological reward in the behavior, and resulting in damage or harm?
Over the years, our team has seen five other “addictions” that are common to leadership: control, image, money, status, and affirmation. While there are treatment plans, medications, support groups, and therapies aimed to help those who struggle with addictions like drugs, alcohol, and food, the five “addictions” I noted are often overlooked or excused away, making them harder to address and change. Here is a short look at these five leadership addictions and how to break them.
1. Control
An employee of a business once told me that she felt like the owners were watching her and the other employees every minute, just waiting to catch them doing something wrong. In another example, an employee told me that it is common for his supervisor to give him an assignment but then take it back or critique the work that he did. And this employee has never had a negative review and is often affirmed for his work! Control can make a leader feel extra-important and highly needed, but, in reality, it reflects the weakness and insecurity of the leader. While many leaders periodically struggle with control, when it happens too often, they could be showing signs of addiction to control.
2. Image
When I was in my twenties, a friend tried to help me look a bit more contemporary and “hip.” She took me shopping and picked out clothes to make me look like one of TV’s most popular actors of that era. Needless to say, her attempt was less than successful! Most people are striving to manage their image in some fashion. The clothes we wear. The cars we drive. The homes we buy. The people we associate with. And image does have some importance. For example, most people may be nervous if their surgeon or attorney showed up wearing ripped jeans and sandals and riding a scooter. Image management is part of life, but when taken to an extreme, it can be just another wearisome leadership addiction.
3. Money
I have met few people (meaning “none”) who did not care about what they earned and did not wish to earn just a bit more. Over the years, I have appreciated the people I worked for who showed genuine interest in what I was paid – they looked out for me and my family. However, when money becomes the compulsive desire and unrelenting goal of a leader, which can happen easily and quietly, it can rise to the level of an addiction that is worth breaking. Circus founder and businessman P.T. Barnum once said, “Money is a terrible master but an excellent servant.” And that is one of the big problems with these leadership addictions – each of them can dominate and control not only our minds but our families and relationships as well.
4. Status
I once walked into a meeting where an employee told me which seat at the table ”the boss” insisted on sitting in. Of course, it was the seat at the head of the table. The meeting room table was a symbolic statement of hierarchy with unspoken rules of who sits where and how each seat carried with it a defined status – like stripes on a military uniform. I thought about sitting in that head seat just for the entertainment of how he might respond, but discernment prevailed. Those who are addicted to status have a complex and often toxic combination of insecurity topped off with a good dose of arrogance.
5. Affirmation
Every single night, our two dogs – all 190 pounds of them – follow me up to our bedroom and sit next to the nightstand. And stare. And drool. And wait for their affirmation – a tiny dog treat, no bigger than a dime, called Charlee Bears. Sometimes, leaders act similarly by desperately seeking constant affirmation. This can include needing to be told how awesome we are and how much we have accomplished topped off with a heavy coating of “thank yous.” Don’t get me wrong, affirmation is important especially when a supervisor is giving it to a team member. But when a leader craves it, they will sometimes “buy” it in the way they avoid difficult conversations and conflict-sensitive decisions. And like all the other leadership addictions – it can become obsessive and result in a weakened leader.
How to Start Breaking Leadership Addictions
Are you struggling with one or more of these five leadership addictions? Most of us do, so you are not alone. Here’s how to start breaking the leadership addictions:
Acknowledge it. Acknowledging that you struggle with one of these leadership addictions (even if only to yourself) is a great starting point for change.
Ask yourself – why? What am I getting from this? What makes it so addictive?
Take a 30-day break from whichever of the five you are most drawn to. Dr. Lembke, in her book Dopamine Nation, notes that “Abstinence is necessary to restore homeostasis…” What would happen if you released control to a team member or chose to intentionally break the status chain by symbolically placing yourself below others? Or how about every time you think you are worthy of being affirmed, you instead affirm someone else?
Talk these addictions over with a leadership coach or wise confidant.
To learn how our experienced coaches can help you start the process of breaking these leadership addictions, contact us.
Jay Desko is the President & CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
