6 Scary Behaviors that May Be Lurking in the Life of Every Leader

Have you ever hidden in a dark closet or behind the door of a dark room to scare your spouse, child, or dog? What a rush when you pop out and see the reaction! (Please note that this craft is seldom appreciated by the recipient, including the dog.) Every leader has shadows too – those dark places that hide and harbor the least desirable parts of who we are. And when those behaviors emerge, the outcome is seldom good for either the recipient or the leader. Additionally, the more a leader becomes successful, the larger the shadows can grow because there is more at stake and more to lose. Here are 6 scary behaviors that can often be found lurking in the shadows of any leader.

1. Impressing Others

Have you ever been in a conversation and mentioned knowing someone well-known? Or have you ever brought up your credentials, experiences, or accomplishments, and even added a little embellishment? The desire to impress and to be accepted can be powerful in the life of a leader. When such motivation is deeply embedded in the heart of a leader, it can be seen in behaviors such as name-dropping, excessive exaggeration, and making promises that are not likely to be fulfilled. When you personally do these things or see them done by others, be aware that something may be lurking in the shadows.

2. Hyper-Control

Ask any ten people if they would prefer to be in control or not, and eight will say “yes” and the other two are lying. It is normal for us to want some control over our lives and choices, but hyper-control takes this to a very different level and is often driven by extreme fear or pride. Fear of being embarrassed or feeling threatened, or pride because you believe you know better than most others and want them to know it. At its worst, hyper-control can make us look pathetic and hold others back from being able to grow their leadership and independence. 

3. Manipulation

Have you ever watched a chiropractor manipulate someone’s back or neck? They carefully place their hands in just the right place and move that spine or neck in just the right fashion to alleviate pain. However, the manipulation carried out by a leader is not designed to relieve the pain but rather to protect him or herself from discomfort, even if it means causing pain to others.

4. Volatile Emotions

How far will people go when their emotions are out of control? A Russian chess champion was caught on camera attempting to poison her rival by placing mercury on her chess pieces! I know, that’s a bit extreme, but we have seen leaders and employees display very unhealthy emotions when angry and not getting their way. Seething facial expressions. Yelling. Throwing things. Making threats. Attempting to intimidate. These are just a few volatile emotions that are tucked away in the dark shadows of some leaders.

5. Deflecting Responsibility

I once heard a senior-level leader refer to the top leader, his supervisor, as Teflon – nothing ever stuck to him, even when he made bad decisions. Such leaders become exceptionally skilled at deflecting responsibility for their actions; it is like watching a craftsman at work. Deflection is all about self-preservation, even if it means tossing a colleague under the bus.

6. Addiction

Ask someone what comes to mind when they hear the word “addiction,” and, most often, they will say drugs, alcohol, or pornography. But we have the propensity to get hooked on any number of things that give that highly valued dopamine fix in the brain including purchasing, gaming, food, and social media to name just a few additions. And the addiction shadow has resulted in far too many leaders tripping and falling in recent years.

Remember that every leader, including you and me, has a shadow side that harbors the key ingredients for dysfunction. Our shadows are always with us, but they can be reduced in scope and negative impact by identifying our greatest potential hindrances and working to learn why these shadow behaviors exist in our lives, when they are most commonly present, and what we can do to keep them from jumping out and causing harm to ourselves and others. An experienced leadership coach or counselor can add value as you learn about your shadows and how to manage them.

To learn more about how our coaches and consultants can assist you in creating healthy leadership behaviors, contact us.

Jay Desko is the President & CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.