In this sobering article from February 2024, “Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out,” the author notes that for the first 200 years of American history, we were known for our social connections and sense of community. But then something changed.
“From 2003 to 2022, American men reduced their average hours of face-to-face socializing by about 30 percent. For unmarried Americans, the decline was even bigger—more than 35 percent. For teenagers, it was more than 45 percent. Boys and girls ages 15 to 19 reduced their weekly social hangouts by more than three hours a week. In short, there is no statistical record of any other period in U.S. history when people have spent more time on their own.” (Derek Thompson. “Why Americans Suddenly Stopped Hanging Out,” The Atlantic. February 14, 2024.)
Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy called loneliness and isolation a public health crisis, noting that its impact on our health “increases the risk for premature death to levels comparable to smoking daily.” (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, May 3, 2023).
The impact is seen in the ability to date, sustain a marriage, engage in social interactions with neighbors, and appropriately manage conflict, to name a few. And our workplaces are not sheltered from the fallout. Talk with any HR department, leadership coach, therapist, or consultant, and you will likely hear the same thing – there is a growing absence of even the most basic social skills that were common decades ago.
In his excellent book Vital Friends: The People You Can't Afford to Live Without, author Tom Rath said, “While we spend more than half of our waking hours at work, most organizations have done very little to encourage friendships on the job.” While I believe it has improved a bit over the past decade, there is still much opportunity for enhancing relational community in the workplace. Leaders, managers, pastors, teachers, and parents should take this seriously. Here are eight reasons why every employer should encourage relational connection at work.
1. Enhanced Mental Health
According to a 2022 Gallup survey, about one in five workers assessed their mental health as “fair” or “poor” resulting in them taking 12 unplanned days off each year. It is estimated that such poor mental health costs the U.S. economy about $48 million each year. Having just a few positive relational connections is a major factor in positively impacting people’s emotional well-being.
2. Improved Employee Retention
While the statistics vary anywhere from 30%-60%, it has become quite common for a newly hired team member to start looking at other job opportunities soon after starting. Unless they are under contractual obligations, many newly hired staff members can move around like a proverbial free agent. One of the traits of organizations with long-term retention is a culture that encourages strong relational connection since relationships serve as the Velcro in helping people stick to your team.
3. Improved Customer Service
Who is most likely to take good care of your customers – an employee who feels valued and cared for or one who feels alone and alienated? It’s common sense, right? Employees who feel good and have positive work relationships are naturally going to share some of that vibe with the clients they serve. And that can create a ripple effect leading to increased customer satisfaction and higher profitability.
4. Healthier Organizational Culture
Our team of consultants at The Center Consulting Group has had the opportunity to visit the offices of close to 1,000 businesses, nonprofits, and churches throughout the U.S. and Canada, and it often takes less than 10 minutes to get the “feel” of the place. Is there humorous banter or deathly silence? Do people look at you and smile or fail to make eye contact? Organizations that model and encourage positive relational connection almost always have a more attractive culture than those that don’t.
5. Improved Physical Health
Several years ago, in a study conducted at Duke University Medical Center, the researchers found that people with fewer than four friends were twice as likely to die from heart disease. It is likely that several other factors played a part in this outcome, but we do know that people get something positive from human connection. And remember, improved physical health also means lower medical premiums and fewer days of missed work.
6. Greater Trust
While trust can be nurtured from a distance, it is most often built with close proximity and regular times of connection. Whether it is with a neighbor, spouse, or co-worker, relational connection is difficult to build apart, thus leading to decreasing trust. Remote work and church do have some benefits, but enhancing trust and deepening relational roots are not two of them. Relationships are built upon trust, and trust is built upon connection and time together.
7. Transferable Skills
Social and relational skills are learned. Like any other skill, the more we practice, the better we become. There are very few jobs that do not require some level of positive interaction with others. For example, sales, customer service reps, nurses, realtors, teachers, department managers, and coaches all need to successfully build connections. The more team members can master social and relational skills, the better they will perform. This will open up more opportunities to advance both themselves and your organization.
8. Practical Support
Some teams have the culture of a family (a healthy one, that is). And for some employees, they are closer to their co-workers than their own families due to complex family dynamics. They share their burdens with their co-workers and provide practical help to one another in times of duress. These words from the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes are as true now as ever: “Pity the person who falls but has no one to help them up.” A trusted co-worker can be a great support helping their colleague keep their head above water during life’s floods.
For a manager, owner, or HR director to increase strong relational connections in their organization, it will require the willingness to take risks and model the importance of relational connection themselves. It should not be assumed that every employee knows how to go about building or nurturing friendships. If everyone was good at it, loneliness would not be an epidemic. There may even be some resistance since some team members may not feel the need for it. And it is not fixed with only a few “social events.” Relational connections must be genuinely valued and continually encouraged.
In the article “Friendship-ology” in the New Scientist, Robin Dunbar says it well: “Friendships are fragile. Unlike family bonds, they depend on you investing enough time and effort in each other to keep the relationship well oiled and functional.” Relational connection requires time together on a regular basis. The less you see someone, the more likely it is that the relationship will decline. The research of Robert Kraut at Carnegie Mellon University showed that a strong friendship will decline to no more than a casual acquaintance in about three years without regular contact.
Remember, the average person is spending as much time at work as they are at home, so work is more than a job. It can become a healthy tribe where people encourage and look out for one another.
Contact us to learn how our experienced coaches can help you build a culture of relational connection. Start by implementing a team training.
Jay Desko is the President & CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
