One of my favorite movies is What About Bob. (If you do not like this movie, you need to schedule an appointment with Dr. Leo Marvin because you need help!) In the movie, patient Bob Wiley is sucking the life out of his therapist, Dr. Marvin. Eventually, Dr. Marvin is the one who loses his sanity and plans to kill Bob. After tying him up with explosives, Bob asks, “What are we doing?” Dr. Marvin replies, “Death therapy, Bob. It's a guaranteed cure.” Last week’s blog described the 8 warning signs that people are stealing your emotional energy – when people feed off your energy to the point that your fuel tank is bone dry. While death therapy is a very bad approach to problems, there are things we can do when we work with, or even worse for, those who steal the emotional energy of others. Here are six suggestions for protecting yourself.
1. Prevention is the simplest solution.
While it is not easy, try to identify an emotional thief during the hiring process in order to prevent them from entering your organizational culture in the first place. Is there anything on their resume that may be a warning sign such as staying in positions for short periods of time without explanation? Are you asking the candidate and references the right questions during the hiring process that may help to surface issues? For example, you will be hard-pressed to find anyone that will be an enthusiastic fan of a thief. References will be safe and neutral, but seldom enthusiastic.
2. Know the warning signs and assess carefully.
Even the most skilled hiring professional will sometimes allow a thief to slip into the organization. So, it is important that we all know the warning signs and address them as soon as they are discovered. But it is also important to remember that there is a difference between a person who periodically acts in an unhealthy way and an emotional thief. The emotional thief has a deeply embedded pattern of feeding off others which is far different than the occasional mistake. By knowing the warning signs and assessing them carefully, it will help you avoid labeling everyone as a thief.
3. Coaching can help.
Not all emotional thieves are created equal. In our years of consulting, our team has seen people who were manifesting these traits become more self-aware and learn new strategies to manage these draining tendencies. If you are a supervisor, utilizing a professional experienced coach can be a valuable resource in your toolbox. Rather than give up on someone, first give them a chance to learn and grow.
4. Feedback is essential.
Nothing can reveal to an emotionally draining person just how consuming he or she is than 360 feedback. It is like a CT scan for a doctor – feedback from those working closest to the person will help him see that what he is doing is actually damaging. And even though it seems like the only person who needs to do the 360 assessment is the thief, if a team does it together and everyone receives personal coaching from an experienced third party, it will reduce fear and model good habits. After all, at times, we all manifest traits that can zap others.
5. Guard yourself.
If you work for an emotional thief, you are not in the position to provide coaching or even feedback without risk to you. So, it is important to take other steps to guard yourself including keeping your distance from the thief and working with and around her in a way that limits how much damage she can do. Some thieves are simply annoying while others can be so harmful that you constantly feel anxious and angry. There are times when the best protection is to look for another job inside or outside of your organization.
6. Be realistic.
Let’s say it together, “There are no perfect organizations, employees, owners, supervisors, or pastors.” Even the healthiest organization is only one hiring decision away from becoming a paradise for those who zap our joy and energy. And all of us have been a drain to others somewhere in our lives and careers. Those of us who are Christian leaders would be wise to remember the words of Paul in Philippians 2: “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me.”
Contact us to learn how our experienced coaches can assist you in creating a healthy culture in your organization.
Jay Desko is the CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
