In late 2023, the employees of a Costco in Virginia voted to unionize. Costco has only had about 5% of its 200,000 employees unionize, so it would be easy for the company’s leadership to dismiss the event and play the blame game. Instead, the response from Costco CEO Craig Jelinek and President Ron Vachris was counter to what you would expect. They said this on public record:
“To be honest, we’re disappointed by the result in Norfolk. We’re not disappointed in our employees; we’re disappointed in ourselves as managers and leaders. The fact that a majority of Norfolk employees felt that they wanted or needed a union constitutes a failure on our part.”
This is a classy and rare response to criticism.
Most of us have experienced being on the receiving end of criticism. It seldom feels good even if it is done with the best intentions and skill. Yet, good leaders also understand that feedback is essential for improvement. Top-level sports teams watch film. Military teams do after-action reviews. Here are five ways to respond to criticism with humility.
1. Practice some reality therapy by accepting “we are flawed.”
The best starting point for responding to criticism is to accept the fact that each of us has blind spots and weak links. I call this reality therapy – facing the truth about ourselves. Even though they are an amazing team with a stellar record, if the Kansas City Chiefs had no opportunity to improve, they would not watch film of their games for hours. Picture what it would be like if each of us had to watch film of ourselves every week regarding how we led, talked to others, and made decisions! If we remind ourselves often that we are flawed, we may be a bit less shocked and defensive when someone tells us what we already know to be true.
2. Be quick to listen and slow to dismiss.
This takes the point above a bit farther. Commonly, our first response to criticism is to look for flaws in the other person. “Who are they to critique me?” “They have plenty of blind spots themselves!” “I have heard lots of people talk about their shortcomings.” Yes, it is natural for us to find a reason to discredit them and therefore justify why we do not need to accept anything they are saying. But, a more humble and teachable disposition leads with taking a look at ourselves before critiquing them.
3. Openly pursue feedback rather than seek to suppress it.
I recently read the memoir of national champion boxer Andre Ward. Andre’s parents struggled with addiction when he was a child, so his boxing coach allowed him to live with his family when Andre’s parents were in treatment. As a teenager, Andre began making bad choices. There were many times that his coach and parents warned him that his choices could ruin his life and his boxing career. They weren’t telling him what he wanted to hear, so Andre suppressed and even ignored the advice and feedback. Today, he says it was by God’s grace that his decisions did not destroy him.
4. Don’t lose the nuggets of truth in the midst of the trash.
I listened to a podcast of a younger Christian leader telling the story of when his boss (who was a major influence in his life) accused him of having an affair. The younger leader said it was not true and felt devastated by the accusation and the venomous way it was shared with him. There are times when people weaponize criticism. This makes it difficult to hear anything that is being said – even if most of it is false or inaccurate. Humble leaders strive to look for any nugget of truth before discarding the rest of it.
5. Have a guide to help you make sense of it all.
401k? Medical insurance? International travel? Social Security? Serious illness? Wedding planning? You benefit from having a guide when navigating anything complex. A good guide knows their way around the terrain. What to watch out for when__. What to do in case of__. How to benefit the most from__. And, how to avoid mistakes when__. A healthy leader is humble enough and confident enough to ask for help, including from a neutral third party when processing criticism. A good coach can help you accurately process criticism and guide you toward an appropriate response.
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Jay Desko is the President & CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
