It is common for me to take to calls while walking the expansive network of sidewalks surrounding my office. It helps me close the red circle on my Apple watch which then makes me feel less guilty for all the cookies I ate earlier in the day! On a recent walk, I tripped and fell. And not just a little stumble, I mean all the way down! As I thought about some of my reactions immediately after my trip and fall, I realized they are very similar to the reactions we often see when a leader has his or her own behavioral, verbal, or emotional trip and fall. Do any of these reactions feel familiar to you?
1. Distraction.
Leaders often make some of their most embarrassing mistakes when they are not focused or paying attention. This is certainly true in car accidents. Take your eye off the road for a fraction of a second and… bang. This was what happened to me when I fell. I was walking along, waving to someone in the parking lot, and I took my eyes off of what was in front of me… which turned out to be a step. Leaders can become distracted by a sick child, a conflicted marriage, a dispute with an employee, a fight with the board, or spreading themselves too thin with other activities.
2. Embarrassment.
According to Harvard professor Chris Argyris, one of the biggest triggers to becoming defensive is embarrassment. I was shocked when I fell! I really could not believe that had just happened. And the first thing I did (after standing up and making sure I wasn’t bleeding) was to quickly look around to see who may have seen my crash! Embarrassment is an immediate and powerful reaction to mistakes and failures, even though each of us has plenty of examples of mistakes in our own lives.
3. Threat.
While my trip and fall was a mistake that certainly resulted in embarrassment, it was only a threat to my physical health, not my employment and relationships. However, some mistakes can become very real threats to leaders, especially at a time when people are always ready to take aim on social media when a mistake is made. Are you insensitive or perceived as a “bully”? Did you make someone feel uncomfortable with your words or actions? Do you struggle with drinking a bit too much? Have you been drawn physically or emotionally toward someone other than your spouse? All of these can make a leader feel threatened if they came to light. And they often do come to light, so it is better to be pre-emptive, take ownership, and find a trusted advisor to help.
4. Secrecy.
As soon as I got up from my fall, I immediately went back into the office and announced it to everyone. NOT! I kept it to myself (except for my wife since I knew she would find it funny). This is what we often do with embarrassing mistakes and failures in our lives. We hide them from others so that they will not think less of us. And many leaders hide their biggest failures because they fear losing their jobs. While it is not helpful or necessary to announce every mistake to every person every day, secrecy at the wrong time and for the wrong motive can be a destructive force in the life of any leader.
5. Familiarity.
You have heard the adage that familiarity breeds contempt. I am not so sure about that, but it does serve as a breeding ground for mistakes. I mean, I have been walking since I was one year old, and I have walked on this sidewalk over a hundred times. It is interesting that, as leaders, we make some of our biggest mistakes with people or in settings that are the most familiar to us. The familiarity can sometimes cause us to take things for granted and feel as though we do not need to be as thoughtful or focused.
6. Blame.
Ah. There it is. Not long after a mistake is made, it is so common to shift the blame to others. In the case of my trip and fall, I tried my hardest to figure out some other excuse, like “who thought to put a stupid step in the middle of a sidewalk,” but in reality, I could not come up with anyone to blame for this one. Blame is almost as natural as breathing, sneezing, or coughing. It is hard not to have a blame response without serious intentionality and humility.
Every one of us as leaders makes mistakes. Plenty of them. As a Christian leader, I love the reminder that I have an advocate on my side – someone who supports me and pleads on my behalf. In the Bible, Jesus is called my advocate. When I fail, hurt others, or simply act like a fool, I have someone who is on my side and provides support, help, and even defense. We all make mistakes. We all have trip and fall events. And we all need advocates in our lives – trusted advisors who can help us get up, take ownership, and move forward.
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Jay Desko is the CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
