Words matter. Just think about some of the words that have made a difference in your life over the years. “Your new baby is healthy!” “You are hired!” “The scan was negative!” These are just a few examples of words that you may have heard that changed your world. And to prove how much words matter, just try reversing these phrases and you can feel the gut punch that would follow. Proverbs 16 says that kind words are like honey. If you want to have a positive influence on the lives of those around you, use words that change their world.
1. I appreciate you.
It is common for team members, including the leader herself, to feel under-appreciated. I am not talking about the person who is always whining, “They don’t appreciate all I do for them!” Rather, I am talking about leaders and staff who genuinely wonder if they and the work they do are valued. So, if you want to make someone truly feel great, just authentically tell them, “I appreciate you!”
2. Thank you.
While it is easy to confuse “thank you” with “I appreciate you,” they are different. Thank you is a simple yet powerful acknowledgment of the fact that someone did something meaningful for you. We thank people for what they do, and we appreciate people for who they are. While I appreciate the donors who have supported The Center Consulting Group for the past 21 years, I specifically say “thank you” each time they give a gift.
3. What can I do to make it right?
You forget to show up for a meeting. You promise but fail to return a call. You share with others something that was told to you in confidence. We are human. Humans make mistakes. Therefore, we make mistakes! It is not a matter of if, only when. A number of years ago we made a mistake with a client. No grayness about it. It was our error. Rather than excuses, we asked the client, “What can we do to make it right?” And we did. And our client appreciated the candor and ownership.
4. I am sorry.
I once read about a hospital that made a mistake that resulted in the death of a child. The loss was devastating to the mother of the child, and such hurt often results in a lawsuit. However, this case was very different. Instead of making excuses and hiding behind legal shields, the hospital acknowledged that mistakes were made regarding the child’s monitor alarm and said, “We are sorry.” Amazingly, the mother did not sue. In fact, it was the opposite – she and the staff who were responsible built a relationship. These three words have superpowers: I – am – sorry.
5. I have full confidence in you.
If I asked the people you supervise about your confidence in them, would they know you have a high level of confidence in them? Or would they hesitate and have doubts? To be truthful, a supervisor may not express being confident in you because… they are not. However, a leader will often express to me how confident they are in a team member, but when I talk with the team member, they tell me how unsure they are about it. When you have confidence in someone, tell them and demonstrate it through the work that you give to them.
6. You are very gifted.
38 years ago. That is how long it has been since one of the most influential mentors in my life wrote me a note after hearing me speak as a college senior. In that note, he affirmed talent he saw in me. And on many occasions after, he continued to show that he had confidence in me including hiring me and giving me leadership opportunities far above my pay level! By showing his belief in me, he strengthened my confidence in myself. This is how expressing confidence in someone can change his or her world.
7. What can I do to help you?
I love cutting my lawn. Really, I do! But I have one section that my neighbor sometimes beats me to with his riding mower that goes 70 mph! Just last week, he beat me to it – but I was glad since I was still getting over a bad cold. Asking what you can do to help can serve as fresh air to someone under pressure. And doing it without even asking can prove to be even better in some cases. When workloads are high or personal life issues are intense, offers of help can prove to be words that change someone’s world.
Contact us to learn how our experienced coaches can help you create a positive culture among your team.
Jay Desko is the President & CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
