Our team has seen it dozens of times over the past 22 years of consulting – leaders ignoring the bad behavior of someone under their oversight. Or sometimes it is a board ignoring the toxic behavior of a CEO. Other times it is a business owner glossing over the incompetence of an employee. And make no mistake, others always see this for what it is – pathetic leadership.
Leaders who avoid addressing bad behavior in others do so in a number of ways. Here are a few of the common ones.
1. Ignore it.
Sometimes leaders let bad behavior slide by ignoring it. Like a turtle, they pull their eyes and brain into their shell, refusing to acknowledge the behavior for what it is – BAD! I remember talking with an extremely sharp and highly professional manager. He had met with the board to share concerns about his supervisor’s questionable and sometimes unethical behavior. And the board chose to ignore it – multiple times. This can be infuriating and demoralizing to those impacted by the bad behavior, and it can result in them looking for a job change.
2. Get passive-aggressive.
Other times leaders see the bad behavior, but instead of addressing it directly, they fluctuate between making jokes, getting snarky, and intentionally avoiding the person. For example, when they see the person coming in late again (after multiple times), they say, “Up late watching another game?” or “Nice to finally see you” in an awkward tone. Or, they might just close their door to avoid the person altogether. But what they don’t do is address the actual behavior.
3. Make excuses.
Some leaders cover up for or defend the person by making excuses for the bad behavior. This is especially common when the supervisor and the person behaving badly are close friends. For example, they may say, “She has had a rough year, so cut her some slack,” or “His home situation is not good right now, so I don’t want to add any pressure on him.” Or perhaps, “You know, that is just her temperament – she means well.” Each of these comments may be true, but they do not address the bad behavior. They only excuse it and hurt those who have to live with it.
4. Blame the victims.
Blaming the victim sounds a bit crazy, but it is very common. People who are victimized by another team member or manager sometimes do get the courage to speak up by going to their supervisor with their concerns. And what happens? The supervisor actually blames the victim for the behavior of the bad actor! This reminds me of the story I read of a kid who lived in an abusive home. Whenever he took the risk to tell an adult staff member at school or the social worker, they indirectly blamed him, suggesting he must be doing something or perhaps he just needed to be more adaptable!
5. Punish others.
A common but infuriating behavior of some leaders is to unintentionally punish their best workers by giving the work of the team member who is behaving badly to others who are more reliable – consequently having the good workers work even harder and the bad worker work even less! Why do they do this? Because they trust their best staff to effectively get work done. This has the same effect as a parent who asks one child to take out the trash and the other one to do the dishes. In this scenario, the one who was supposed to take out the trash has a hissy fit. Instead of expecting him to do what he was told, the parent sends him to his room (or anything else to appease him), and the remaining child now does the dishes and takes out the trash! This is a classic example of unintentionally punishing the person who works and rewarding the person who does not.
6. Privately complain.
When dealing with a team member’s bad behavior, some leaders talk to everyone but the employee. They grumble to their spouse. They complain to the other managers. They whine to their friends at dinner or on the golf course. They may even vent to their dog who willingly lends a listening ear. But all of this solves NOTHING and just provides a temporary cathartic release for the leader. The next day, the same behavior will likely show up again because nothing was done to correct it.
Why Leaders Ignore Bad Behavior & How to Change
Why is it so hard for leaders to address a team member’s bad behavior? Most often, they are driven by fear. Fear of conflict. Fear of losing a friendship. Fear of collateral damage from people who like the bad performer (this is common in sales or in a nonprofit where that person is connected to major donors). Or, fear of losing the person’s knowledge or technical expertise because many people who behave badly may still be contributing to the organization's bottom-line.
So, what, if anything, can be done to prevent this common but dysfunctional dynamic from continuing? While the Bible says we should all look at ourselves with sober judgment, unfortunately, this often does not happen until something so big and egregious happens that it is impossible to ignore like a lawsuit regarding a toxic work environment, a social media firestorm accusing the organization of condoning and covering up bad behavior, or an internal mutiny where multiple staff threaten to quit if something does not change. Like actual fires, it would have been so much easier if the leaders or board had addressed the issue while it was still small and contained rather than wild and public.
Every leader would be wise to remember – bad behaviors seldom correct themselves. Inviting people with objectivity and experience to provide assessment, provide guidance, and hold everyone accountable for ensuring healthy change really does work. We have seen it dozens of times. While it does not mean there will be no pain involved, it does mean you are taking the issue seriously and showing courageous humility by asking for help to stop the bad behavior from harming the mission, the customers, or the team.
Contact us to learn how personalized coaching can help you increase your leadership health and effectiveness.
Jay Desko is the President & CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
