Over the years, we have worked with several leaders, managers, pastors, and team members who had earned the undesirable title of “headache.” From continuously identifying what others are doing wrong to chronically complaining about everything that is defective with their supervisor or organization, the headache team member becomes contagious and starts to give real headaches to those around him. It’s not that this person does not have some legitimate critiques. Leaders are an imperfect crew, and no organization is without some serious flaws. Rather, it is how they manage their concerns and the volume of critique they provide. Moving from being a headache to becoming a hero that adds value requires intentionality. Here are six steps to do just that.
1. Know if you are perceived as being a “headache.”
Most people who are labeled as headaches often do not know they are or to what level such perceptions have become deeply rooted within the organization. While it is hard to hear, it is better to know since we cannot manage what we do not know. This will require feedback from supervisors, peers, etc. Formal feedback from a 360° assessment as well as informal feedback from those around you are helpful in this.
2. Aim to add far more organizational value than critique.
Identifying problems is a valued skill and is often done with genuine concern for the organization. After all, every organization that has had a humiliating public smackdown had people who were trying to raise the alarm. But the issue is in the ratio of how much critiquing and complaining I do versus how much value I am perceived as adding. Any person who spends far more time identifying everything that is wrong with their spouse, kids, job, home, etc. than noticing and affirming what is right, is likely to have an unhealthy ratio of critique versus value (and yes, I have been guilty of this on more than one occasion).
3. Solve problems rather than just identify them.
Sometimes, team members or leaders have a Ph.D. in problem identification and can’t get out of first grade when it comes to being a problem solver. Problem identification is essential to the health and growth of every organization. But solution identification is where real change begins. So, it is good to identify problems that need to be resolved for the health of the organization, but invest even more time on suggested solutions. And if some of your solutions are not accepted or implemented, don’t whine! Move on to the next way to improve yourself, your department, and the organization.
4. Cease and desist blaming others.
A cease and desist notice is a warning to stop a certain behavior or activity that is deemed harmful to others. It is often used in cases of slander, copyright violations, and harassment. Sometimes it would be helpful to issue a cease and desist order to people who blame others for everything they feel is wrong around them. “My boss is a nut case.” “My employees are lazy.” “My organization is toxic.” “I am not paid what I am worth.” “My supervisor doesn’t encourage me.” These are just a few of the signs of blaming. And while blaming is a common reaction we all have used, it seldom produces any improvement.
5. Use a mirror more than a magnifier.
Mirrors and magnifiers have one thing in common – they are both made of glass. But they serve very different purposes. Mirrors help me to see myself (not usually a very pleasant experience) and magnifiers allow me to focus intensely on minute details of others. As leaders, it is important to use magnifiers carefully. Doing a deep dive in such areas as the performance of others as well as your organizational metrics is important. But when leaders fail to take an honest look at themselves, they will stop growing and will feed cynicism in those around them.
6. Determine if you are in the right place.
No organization is perfect, nor is any leader. While it should be your last resort rather than your first, there are times when a change may be the right next step. This is especially true if there are serious violations of ethics or the culture is toxic beyond your ability to tolerate it. However, before you make such a change, use the mirror to take a good look at yourself and seek counsel from a trusted advisor. For some, change is the best next step. For others, it is just running away with hopes of finding that elusively flawless job.
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Jay Desko is the CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
