I recently went to a reunion for the neighborhood I grew up in. We had a very tight-knit crew that did life together (and a lot of other crazy things), especially during our junior high and high school years. Basketball and street hockey in the winter. Football in the fall. And wiffleball all summer. While I have remained close to a few of the group, I also saw people I had not seen in over 40 years! As I reflected on the evening, I realized there is a lot to learn as a leader from my old neighborhood network. Here are the five biggest lessons.
1. Friendship.
While my family has benefitted from a tight-knit group of neighbors just like the place where I grew up, I also know it is foreign to the experience of many. For example, having friends for over 42 years is not the norm. Additionally, research has shown that having neighbors be there for one another, help one another, and share a meal is outside of the normal experience of many Americans. Many people today do not even know who lives next door. But friends show up in times of need, they provide encouragement and help, and they bear one another’s burdens. In his book Vital Friends, Tom Rath shares the power of relational connection and its vital role, including in the workplace. Leaders would be smart to not only personally invest in friendships but also create a culture at work where it is highly valued.
2. Grit.
Reunions often require a bit of humility since they can be a reminder of both good times and great memories as well as the pain and disappointment common to life. The longer we live, the more life can beat us down. The pain of a divorce. The loss of a child. The heartache of drug addiction and suicide. The destruction of bad choices. The invasive damage from cancer. And yet, in the midst of some devastating life circumstances, so many I talked with have manifested grit – a determination to not give up or tap out. And grit inspires grit. Meaning, when we as leaders reflect humbleness, strength, and hope amid hardship, others realize they too can do the same and not give up.
3. Generosity.
The hosts of our reunion are an awesome couple. They live busy lives, manage stressful medical careers, and have their own adult children and multiple grandchildren. Yet, they showed thoughtfulness and generosity by not only hosting this party but also covering much of the expense – all to encourage our friend whose wife has a life-threatening illness. No one was asked to contribute to the cost of the reunion, but everyone was encouraged to bring a financial gift to encourage this family that has been hit with major expenses. That is called thoughtful generosity, and leaders who demonstrate it model what it means to “bless others.”
4. Acceptance.
One friend I had not seen in many years came up to me, put his arm around my shoulder, and looking out over the crowd said, “Look at us. We have the Italians (meaning me), the Puerto Ricans (him), and the Irish (pointing at another friend standing nearby). And we all got along just fine.” We were not a perfect crew. There were fights as well as plenty of teasing and taunting. But, at the end of the day, friendship prevailed, and forgiveness was almost always granted. As leaders, we set the tone for others by if and how we show grace, tolerance, and acceptance of differences.
5. Change.
At the reunion, I saw a photo of myself at 19. I had hair and a lot of it! If a barber was at our reunion, he would have panicked at the lack of revenue standing before him. When I showed this photo to some of my work colleagues, they did not even know which one in the group was me! That photo shows a big contrast compared to now, 43 years later. My good friend and business client often says, “People change, but seldom.” I love that phrase because, while it reflects that deep and long-term change is hard, it is not impossible. It does not say “never.” People do change. Many at the reunion had changed too. Some mellowed. Others ended up in careers they never would have thought possible. Leaders should always keep in mind that people can and sometimes do change for the better.
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Jay Desko is the CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
