You probably have seen an ad for a new home in a “highly desirable neighborhood,” meaning people want to live there more than in other neighborhoods. Organizations can also be highly desirable – places where people want to come to, work, and stay. There is just one thing you need to do to become such an organization: help your people build friendships at work. You do not need over-the-top facilities. You don’t need the highest compensation. You just need a few really good relational connections.
Leaders who create cultures with strong relational glue reduce turnover, attract greater talent, have fewer sick days, experience higher trust and lower conflict, and have employees that are more satisfied and content. Tell me that is not highly desirable! Here are nine ways to produce a highly desirable, relationship-centered organization by fueling friendships at work.
1. Assess the friend quotient of your team or organization.
Have you ever signed up for a gym membership or gone to physical therapy? One of the first things they do is assess your present status so they know how to help you improve. It is also beneficial to do this when considering how well your organization fosters strong relational connections. This can be done through an anonymous web-delivered survey or having someone outside of your organization interview some of your team.
2. Look for laughter and friendly chatter.
When assessing the relational health of a team or organization, our consultants frequently mention that they can identify the vibe of a group soon after walking into a meeting. Teams that express laughter, banter, and friendly chatter are often the ones that have a higher level of loyalty, positivity, and joy at work compared to those that do not. It takes a lot of work to have fun together if you do not like or trust those you work with.
3. Hire only after considering the friendship factor.
When hiring, how closely do you look at the way a person interacts with others? Do they fit with the team? Do they make conversation easy and enjoyable? Do they reflect positivity? Will they add to the relational culture you are creating or detract from it? If you only look at technical competence or professional credentials, you may have regrets later. Assessing the friendship factor of a potential hire requires extensive time together in both formal and informal settings and interactions with a variety of team members. A temperament assessment can also add value in this area.
4. Provide training on emotional intelligence and relational connection.
Something has certainly changed over the past fifty years. Social scientists have discovered, and our own experiences have confirmed, that people have become increasingly lonely and socially isolated. A Cigna study from 2018 noted that 46% of people feel alone sometimes or always. And Georgetown University professor Deborah Tannen has coined FOBLO, fear of being left out, which has grown exponentially since the rise of social media. As leaders, you can assume that some of the people you hire will struggle with feeling alone, and you can also assume that an increasing number of team members will come up short on the skills required to build strong relationships. So, the investment in training on emotional intelligence and relational connection can pay very high dividends.
5. Utilize onboarding for new members to create connections.
According to a Gallup study, people with at least three close friends at work were 96% more likely to be extremely satisfied with their life. Yet, only 18% of people work for an organization that provides opportunities to create friendships at work. Notice it wasn’t their pay or their office size that contributed to satisfaction – it was their friendships. Onboarding can be a great way to help a new person begin establishing those connections early on. When a new member does not establish these strong connections early, the risk of losing them grows exponentially.
6. Create occasions for connecting.
Mother Theresa said, “The most terrible poverty is loneliness…” That’s significant coming from a woman who invested her life serving some of the poorest people in the world. One of the ways to beat the poverty of loneliness is to create occasions for connecting. Such occasions can include formal activities such as work teams and projects as well as informal connections through casual interaction in the office, hallways, or at lunch. Encourage it rather than making team members feel guilty for it. Most people know how to do this and still get work done!
7. Model emotional health from the top.
How would you feel if your medical doctor was 150 pounds overweight and eating a cream-filled donut (one of my favorites) while telling you that you need to lose some weight and eat healthier? That would feel a bit hypocritical! But that is what it feels like when a team member hears a manager talk about the importance of healthy team culture while being known for bullying, intimidating, and remaining socially distant from others. Leaders get what they model. If you want healthy relational connections in your organization, you need to model emotional health from the top.
8. Utilize relationally-nurturing office design.
Even after a pandemic, millions of people will still work at least some of their week in an office. The way an office is designed can encourage relationship-building or discourage it. For example, having common gathering spaces such as conference rooms and kitchens (sometimes referred to as “third spaces”), glass doors where people can make eye contact, and furniture and layout that feels closer to a home than to a sterile, institutional hospital. Not only do we as leaders need to be approachable, but the spaces we create need to be approachable as well. And above all, nothing says “welcome” more than an open door!
9. Eat together.
I love to eat – especially anything made with dough and cheese. Eating is not only enjoyable because of the food, but also when teams eat together, they experience greater connection and performance. In writing about the benefits of eating together at work, Researcher Kevin Kniffin of Cornell University concluded, “Behavior that might seem superfluous or wasteful to outside observers ultimately carries significant importance for organizational performance.” Our team at The Center Consulting Group eats together almost every Wednesday. It is not only fun, but it provides a way to relate to one another and stay connected.
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Jay Desko is the Executive Director of The Center Consulting Group and serves on the Senior Leadership Team at Calvary Church in Souderton, PA. Jay brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.
