Resilience: It May Not Be What You Think

Resilience. Grit. Strength. These are words we hear a lot lately. From Special Forces to trauma survivors, we are challenged by the stories of these remarkable people but may also feel like failures too. After all, you may find yourself exhausted by having to deal with a recent resignation and a bad Google review let alone surviving in the jungle for a year after your plane was shot down, suffering an injured leg, contending with nasty insects, and having little food and bad water! Surprisingly, resilience – that spirit that leads someone to endure hardship and refuse to give up – does have consequences. Here are five common, but unexpected, siblings that often tag along with the resilient leader. 

1. Feeling ready to quit.

I once worked with a leader who had experienced his share of challenges. He talked often about quitting, and I would regularly hear the phrase, “I am done with this.” But he didn’t quit. Resilient leaders are not superheroes; they are just like us – human. The difference is that even when they feel like quitting, they keep going in spite of it.

2. Experiencing doubts.

I recently received a call from a very gifted leader who, like many during the pandemic, was experiencing extraordinary stress and facing difficult and risky decisions. Publicly, this leader is confident and capable, but even confident leaders experience doubt at times. Doubt does not make them less strong or capable. But, even in the midst of debilitating doubt, this leader kept leading.

3. Feeling fear.

There have been times in my life when I have felt an overwhelming sense of fear. The kind where all of your senses are alert, and it feels like a tanker truck of adrenaline is flooding your body all at once. This is often triggered by a real or perceived threat to you, your organization, a member of your team, or a family member. Feeling fear is a common tag along with resilience. It’s not that people with grit do not fear – it’s that they do not allow the fear to result in resignation.

4. Suffering grief.

Grief is the sadness and pain that arises during times of loss. I know one leader dealing with a child making poor choices. Another dealing with a spouse suffering from a serious illness. Yet another grieving the loss of a job after unexpectedly being fired. Yet all of them have something in common. They continue to get up, take care of their responsibilities, and keep moving forward. Their grief does not replace their grit; it travels alongside it.

5. Fearing to ask for help.

The farther up the leadership ladder you go, the more fear you may have in asking for help. The fear of vulnerability usually leads to not asking for help, but the most resilient leaders have others by their side. It may be a spouse, trustworthy friend, colleague, coach, or pastor. But they are not alone, and they fight back the fear and ask for assistance. Even the Apostle Paul, who experienced his share of traumatic events, did not fear asking for clothing, books, and a friend to be sent to him to help him.

There is no magic formula for becoming a resilient person, but there are specific ways we can strengthen our ability to rebound from disappointment. Here are 7 ways we “average” people can grow above-average endurance.

Contact us to learn how our experienced coaches can assist you in becoming a more resilient leader.

Jay Desko is the CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.