One of my all-time favorite Disney villains is the marvelous “Mad Madam Mim.” Mim appears in the movie The Sword and the Stone, and here’s what makes her so diabolical: She can change into any form she wants, and the more you challenge her, the bigger she can get! In fact, she can turn into a giant dragon that fills the entire room!

Now, her rival is the magician, Merlin. Merlin is wise and can do almost anything to defeat an enemy, but he struggles against Mad Madam Mim. Mim can match him effort for effort and continues to get bigger the more Merlin tries to get rid of her. Soon, Mim is chasing Merlin and he is on the defensive as she occupies his full attention.

We all have our version of Mad Madam Mim. Our doubts, our fears, our past experiences, and potential conflicts all have a way of staying in our memories and clouding our minds. As leaders, we need to clear our heads and look at situations, facts, influences, and needs without the clutter of someone running us over with influence, self-doubt, criticism, or even fear.

Who is living Rent-Free in Your Head?

When we are trying to lead others, initiate something new, or manage a conflict, it is easy to let others live in our heads “rent free.” Who is living rent-free in your head? Keep these three things in mind as you lead.

The more we focus on them, the bigger they get and the more they cloud our decision making.
They may not even know it. We are the ones who are holding them there, thinking about them, and living under their influence.
The voices begin to clutter our minds and hearts. They start competing for our attention, and unhelpful messages about ourselves begin to preoccupy our thoughts.

As leaders, when we let other voices live in our heads, we become more reactive and passive, trying to please others or working in fear. This is never a good state to lead or make decisions in.

How to Clear Your Head and Lead!

With all of the noise in our heads and the many opinions we are considering, it is time for us to clear our heads and take important steps as leaders.

1. Be Mindful.

Be present in the situation, forgetting the past and focusing on what is right in front of you.
Be aware of yourself, your environment, and consider those factors that will help you make a decision.
Be clear and work with the facts, not the feelings and fear.

2. Focus on the Good.

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Phillipians 4:4-8

3. Level the playing field to put everyone in their place.

Understand the position you are in (the leader) and remember that your Mim is a human being with their own fears, flaws, failures and needs (they need your leadership!). Remember:

You are called, gifted, and equipped to lead.
You serve others best when you care for them.
Part of being a leader is to love those we are serving. “Perfect love casts out fear!”
Focus on the prize in front of you and not the obstacles.
Own YOUR decisions and act on them!

Our Challenge as Leaders

When Merlin is in the heat of battle with Mim, he notices that the more he focuses on her, the bigger she gets! So he begins to ignore her and instead focus beyond her – to the real world around him and the fact that other people, other situations, and other thoughts matter more. And Mim gets smaller, and smaller, and smaller, until – poof!

So, who is living “rent free” in your head? What are you doing to hold them there?

When we are focused on those conflicts, on the past, and on those fears, we cease to lead. But we are called to lead. The people we lead have their own needs, fears, and conflicts. As we begin to see them as human beings who need our leadership, we will be able to care for them, love them, and best of all, lead them well.

PAUL D. KEISLING, MSW, CPRP, Senior Consultant - The Center Consulting Group - Leadership Coaching and Consulting for Businesses, Churches, and Nonprofits

Paul Keisling is a Senior Consultant at The Center Consulting Group and has over 40 years’ experience in building, leading and operating organizations. He enjoys coaching and developing leaders at all levels of organizations. He is particularly interested in supporting organizations and leaders in times of crisis, transition and through the strategic planning process. Paul has served on a number of nonprofit boards and was a founding board member of Chariots for Hope - an organization that oversees Children's Homes across the country of Kenya. He holds a BA in Behavioral Science from Messiah College, a Master of Social Work from Temple University, studied theology and counseling at Westminster Seminary, and is a Certified Psychiatric Rehabilitation Practitioner. He is a frequent presenter on mental health topics, program development and Servant Leadership.

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