Leadership is all about choices, and sometimes the most difficult ones involve conversations. Have you ever delayed a difficult conversation because you feared the outcome or the consequences? We all have. But delaying tough conversations often leads to even greater risk in the long term.

In the book Crucial Conversations, the authors describe tough conversations as those that involve differing opinions, are highly emotional, or have great risk or consequences. When handled well, conflict can lead to greater breakthroughs, more vision, and bigger dreams. But when handled poorly, conflict can have harmful results.

This can play out in many different ways in organizations.

Someone becomes the victim, which ultimately results in someone becoming an enemy.
Some people can suffer in silence, ultimately impacting their performance, their work, and their relationships. I heard this quote, “When we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short-term discomfort for long-term dysfunction.”
Another option is to take heart and to lean into difficult conversations and into the discomfort.

Although we can shy away from conflict, every time we have a difficult conversation, we learn something new and great benefits come from it. I want to share with you three ways that having tough conversations can benefit your culture and your organization.

1. Cultivate a culture of courageous leadership.

First, you get an opportunity to create a culture of courageous leadership. Each time you, as the leader, lean into a difficult conversation, you are modeling to others what you expect from them. It is an opportunity for you to show people that you are willing to lean into the risks that can come from a difficult conversation. It is showing them that you know there may be adversity, but you want to do what is best for the organization, the culture, and, ultimately, the other person.

2. Maximize potential perspectives, and possibilities.

Second, you get to maximize potential perspectives and possibilities within your organization. Every time you lean into a difficult conversation, you get to see things from a different viewpoint. You get to ask some really tough questions. What am I learning from this conversation? What is underneath the emotion? Every organization and every team need conflict. Conflict allows you to get visions and dreams expanding beyond what you may be thinking and what your strategic plans may say. It allows creativity and innovation.

3. You become a more confident and free leader.

And finally, conflict is about you. It is an opportunity for you, as a leader, to become more confident and more free. Often, someone I am coaching will ask me if I can teach them how to be confident. Well, the only way you learn how to be confident is to actually do it, to dive into it even when you are nervous or scared. By doing this, you will learn that every time you exercise your leadership muscle, you become free, you become more autonomous, you become more confident in this area of tough conversations.

So, the next time you have a tough conversation, lean into it, try it, and learn from it. Here are some tips that will help you in your next difficult conversation.

Take H.E.A.R.T.

Some of my favorite Bible verses use the term “take heart” which means to be bold, to have courage, and to be resolute. You know, there is an easy way that we can remember how to go into difficult conversations using this acronym, “Take H.E.A.R.T.”

H is for hear; hearing and listening with empathy.

Every time we sit down with someone to have a difficult conversation, go into it with the idea that you are going to listen to this person’s point of view. You get to learn more about the person, you get to learn why they feel the way that they do, and you get to learn more about how you need to handle this situation.

E is for expect; expectations.

What do you expect to happen from this tough conversation? Never go into a difficult conversation winging it. You have to know exactly what you expect to happen from this conversation. Are you expecting a changed behavior? Are you giving someone a poor performance review and expecting that they will live out the goals and objectives that you set for them? Whatever it is, make sure you know the outcome you want to see from this difficult conversation.

A is for acknowledge.

Acknowledge your part. Acknowledge your fault. Maybe it is as simple as, “I wish I had scheduled this meeting sooner.” Or, “I wish I didn’t make an assumption.” Telling the other person that you acknowledge your part in the disagreement or the misunderstanding is a huge part of empathy and connection with the other person.

R is for restate.

Whenever you leave a difficult conversation or any conversation, make sure that you restate the conversation with the exact outcome before you leave. Never leave assuming that the other person understood you. Restate your objectives, restate the outcome, restate the expectations. Make sure that both of you understand exactly what is happening after the meeting ends.

T is for test.

The only way to know if a conversation was understood is to test it. Have you actually seen changed behavior? Has there been forgiveness in your own heart? Test it out. Make sure you understand that this conversation has been resolved, even if it’s difficult. And if it is not, start at the beginning. Take H.E.A.R.T.

What are some reasons that you shy away from tough conversations? What ways have you approached tough conversations in the past that have been helpful for you, your relationships, or your organization? We would love to hear from you.

Toni Scialanca is a Consultant at The Center Consulting Group. She holds an M.S. in Organizational Leadership from Cairn University and is currently pursuing a Doctorate degree in Strategic Leadership from Regent University. In addition to her work with The Center, Toni also serves as VP & Board Chair for a global nonprofit encouraging leadership development in young girls. Toni’s previous work experience included various areas of supply chain, customer experience, and product deployment as well as in church leadership and management. Her consulting expertise includes strategic planning, leadership coaching, team building, and customer experience.